Uncle Bill is gone.

Last night i was having this crazy dream that alissa was in the ocean & i was standing on the dock & there was a shark that was swimming around & i knew he was goin to get alissa so i kept sticking my foot in the water to make him come back to me away from her but it didnt work & he started biting her legs & she was screaming & i was screaming & i felt so helpless.. then i get woke up by my phone ringing.. it was mary. the time was 3:38. as soon as i saw her picture on my phone i just knew it had to be something wrong. i said hello, half asleep.. all i heard was screaming & crying.. i couldn't understand a thing she was saying. 'he's dead.. he's dead.. bill's dead! We need will to come take us to the hospital' OMG. i started crying instantly. i looked over & will wasnt in bed. i got up & he was on the couch. i woke him up & tried to hand him the phone but he pushed it away. i said Will please wake up.. its important. i didnt know how to tell him so i handed him the phone. he stood up, dropped the phone, then dropped to his knees. he left. it was 4 am. and i was alone. i wanted to call cicily. i wanted to call rachel. i just needed someone to talk to & i didn't know what to do. i didnt want to wake anyone up so i laid back down with alissa. i couldnt sleep. i guess i finally cried myself to sleep but i kept having these crazy dreams & woke up like every 30 min. will came back at 8 am to get alissa so i could go to work. i just wanted to stay with will. i kissed will, straightened his shirt and said baby you're the only man in the family now. work was slow thankfully. i couldnt get into the swing of things. i felt numb. it was such a smack in the face. i went to granmom's at lunch. mary was outside & i grabbed her & hugged her & we cried together. she kept saying ' i want my brother back, i need him, i want him back, god why did you take him? i just want my best friend back, im not a sister anymore'. my heart was breaking for her. there were people there, friends, people from the church, we all prayed together. another friend brought food. there was so much food. i couldnt eat. i had to go back to work and got so busy. i just couldnt function. but some how i did it. i got off work early & went back to granmom's. Ron was crying, he told me Bill was his best friend, more like a brother. i just can't believe what happened. he was throwing up for 2 days & started hallucinating last night so they called 911 and he had 3 seizures & a heart attack. something's not right about that. he was 60 yrs old. he was pretty healthy. he was always smiling. will is the spitting image of him. that was will's only uncle. his other uncle died a long time ago.. i think like 10 yrs or so. finally we get home & nick comes over. we watched american history x.. it was a really good movie & cried my eyes out at the end. rachie came by after she got off & gave alissa a bath. i am so tired my eyeballs burn. maybe thats from crying. dont know. RIP Uncle Bill~ you will be greatly missed. we love you & we know you are in heaven with the angels and you are at peace smiling down & watching over us.

our wonderful weekend

happy 12th birthday Cody! i love you!

Friday was Cody's 12th birthday! My brothers are growing up SO fast! We had a lil party at dad's. Rachel & I went shopping for Cody & ended up getting some funky neon colored shirts w/ peace signs. hot! lol. So anyways Cody's party was fun.. we left Alissa with mom & everyone headed to my house.

my peeps

Jessica Marie & her b/f Adam, Jess & Farrin, Laura & Zach, Rachel, Dlo, Paige, and Brooke all came over. We had a blast.. dancing to music & takin funny pics! We stayed up til 5 am & Jess Marie ended up spending the night.

class of '03

we're addicted!! full throttle ay bay bay!

Its been a long time since I partied like that! Saturday I woke up really early to go pick up Alissa.

best thing i've ever been called.. Mommy.

We chilled around the house until Paige called & said Hailey & Bridgett were coming in town! YAy! havent seen either of them in a long time.. so they all came over! Then Rachie came over too! Mom dropped Cody off & he spent the night.

Paige, Hailey, Bridgette, Me & Alissa

My beautiful best friend Rachel

Then about 1 am Jiff called & brought the crew over. Lacey, Coty, Rhonda, Crys, & Jiff all came over & i was happy to see everyone but they were so loud they woke Alissa up & the 'party' was over. I had to put Alissa back to sleep & ended up yelling at everyone for being so loud. Oops. i didnt mean it.. but when your child gets woke up at 2 am.. it tends to be a bit irritating. Anyways. So Sunday I slept in.. finally. Cody played with Alissa until I got up. Then mom picked him up & we drove out to Gram's to see her. Alissa slept in the car while we talked to her outside. Then we went to see Mary @ Ron's when Jiff called & wanted us to go to SHelby Farms to meet everyone.


Amanda, Liz & her girl (who is almost 4 yrs old, i cant believe it), Coty, Rhonda, Jiff, Mini-man, Kenzy, and Lace & Crys were all there. We let the kids play for a while & then headed out.


Lace invited everyone to come over to cook out burgers & that was a blast!! Kenzy, Mini-man & Alissa were the cutest together! There was a hole in the backyard & Kenzy said ' Mama, thats a hole' Jiff said 'yeah baby dont step in it' Kenzy said 'yeah i dont step in it cuz then there wont be no Kenzy no more' LMAO. omg. that was the cutest/funniest thing i have ever heard a kid say!

Mini man, Kenzy & Alissa

Kenzy is So sweet too! She just LOVES Alissa & Alissa just loves Kenzy! Aunt Laura finally showed up about the time we were leaving, but was still good to see her! I miss them!! It felt like old times some how.. except we all have kids now. its weird.

Lacey, Crys, & Jiff

So i know monday is not part of the wknd but we had a busy monday too.. .i worked til 5 then we went to Matt Duty's for dinner. Alissa, Gracie, & Elizabeth just ate it up! they loved playing together! Madison was too small to really play but Alissa loved seeing her too! Jennifer is really nice and down to earth & it was nice to talk to her. Matt made grilled chicken sandwiches w/ pasta & corn & french fries & MAN it was SO good. my tummy just started grumbling.

So! Now its Tuesday & im sitting at work on my lunch break.. i dont want to waste gas driving home.

Hopefully the rest of the week will be as good as the past wknd.

Oh! and i got an email today about pug... i dont know if it is our pug but i have to call this lady after 6 pm to see. I am praying it is her!

today is not my day.

i am ready to get off work so i can go home to alissa. she is the one thing in this whole world that can put a smile on my face no matter how bad i feel. i am just having one of those days where i feel like 'when is it my turn to catch a break?' i woke up this morning thinking: 'good morning. you are beautiful. have a great day.' then i get a few pieces of information that turn that thought process into 'everytime i'm on top of the world, something comes along & knocks me right back on my ass.' i cried today after will came by. alissa was in the backseat & she didn't smile at me like normal, she had this look on her face as if she was saying 'why do you leave me?' it really broke my heart. i hate not being able to stay home with her. i loved every minute of it. and she is really not adjusting to all the changes very well. she has been acting up, crying, holding onto my leg & not letting go, even if i walk across the entire house.

Pug's Missing.

I'm heart broken. Pug has been gone for a week now. I have no idea how she got out. We posted flyers that same day she went missing but of course it rained for the next two days & the flyers were ruined. So Nana printed 200 copies & i had the boys go around putting them on cars & in mailboxes. I am so worried about her.

I just pray that where ever she is she's safe & taken care of. I hope that nobody stole her. I just hope that someone took her in and just havent seen the signs yet. I miss her so bad & i feel so bad for her.

Pug has always had seperation anxiety so i know she's freaking out without me. I just want her back so bad. She's 5 years old! thats not long enough for me to have her... she was my first child. I need her back. my heart is breaking peice by peice every day that she is gone.

Dreams

I had this crazy dream early this morning that we saw whiteboy & another puppy but they were all grown up & had their own puppies. Then in the dream i realized that whiteboy & the other puppy were stolen from us & i wanted to keep them & all their puppies. Whiteboy looked so beautiful. I really miss Chino & Icy & all the puppies.

St. Patrick's Day

My awesome boss took me & the girls at the office out to lunch today for St. Patty's. We went to Celtic Crossing in the cooper-young area. It was really fun! They had this cool irish band, playing these cool irish intruments.. One girl was giving out beads, and i couldnt get enough! lol. I ordered the fish & chips & it was sooo good! Mom bought all the girls matching shirts for today! I'm supposed to meet Belle after work to go see the girls & take pics in our matching shirts. Then Nana's taking us shopping for things around the house that we desperately need. I need to find alissa something green to wear today!





All my brothers & sisters except Laura Jo! & Mom & Dad

Potty Training Alissa

So we bought her a new pink princess potty seat that plays music if she pees in it. So we put it out for her, she took her pants off.. took her diaper off.. sat on the potty. Didn't pee.. but grabbed the toilet paper and started wiping! Really funny, guess she got that from watching me. So then she says YAY! gets up walks in the living room and pees in the floor! Alissa! OH NO! and that same scenario has played out a few times. Always peeing in the floor, never in the potty. I'm sure she will figure it out, she's so smart! I'm just getting tired of having to clean up pee.. and bathe my child more than once a day!