Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one person wanders into your life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, or fall in love with you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats at you and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

ready for a change.

I am more than ready for a change.

I've got to get a new car. Put Alissa in daycare. Plan for the trip to SC to visit Andra. New furniture for the house. Paint the house. Plan the wedding. Start my NYIP (photography) classes. Get back in shape. Thinking about enrolling at the Beauty Institute for makeup & esthetics. Look for a new, higher-paying, job.

And try to balance all of this with being a working mother, and fiance.

I thought maybe I'll be taking on too much. My best friend inspired me (as she always does) to go for it. She said " do every thing your little heart desires.. you only live once."

and she is so right. i cant keep letting the fear of being overwhelmed hold me back. if i never try how will i know how much i can handle? i have been superwoman in all other aspects of my life.

time to get a move-on. looking for inspiration & motivation wherever i can get it. i know i can do this, and i am so excited to start!